Hope for the Hurting with Dr. Mel
Five Strategies for Coping with Grief
Nothing is more devastating to our souls than the grief we are all left with in the wake of the pandemic. Many of us are grieving the death of family and friends. Others are grieving the loss of jobs, homes, freedom, and the normalcy of our pre-pandemic lives. Some are dealing with multiple losses.
We Aren’t Born Knowing How to Cope
Coping with grief is not a skill we possess naturally. It is one of the most challenging emotions to process and can seem impossible to overcome. If you’ve ever been told ‘time will heal,’ I’m sorry. If you’ve ever been advised to ‘stop talking about the situation and move on,’ I’m so sorry. I do not subscribe to such thoughts. As a person who has experienced grief and trauma extensively over my lifetime and indeed in this past two years, I do not expect that time will heal and know experientially it is not healthy to keep thoughts and emotions to myself.
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings
It is normal to feel denial, sadness, anger, guilt, and remorse. It is not uncommon to cycle through the range of emotions frequently until you develop the coping mechanisms.
If you are the type of person who remains stoic and avoids acknowledging your pain to yourself or others, please know avoidance does not work. Pain must have an outlet. If you do not talk about your pain, it will manifest physically or in another manner.
2. Take Care of Yourself Emotionally
I am guilty of putting myself last amid grief. Recently, I found myself grieving the loss of connectedness to several of my adult children. One is six hours away and under house arrest awaiting sentencing. Another is a busy mom of 3 young school-age kids. And, my baby left the nest and moved halfway across the country to get established as his wedding approaches. In the midst of the grief, I didn’t realize anxiety and stress were creeping in until I suddenly found myself unable to function because my muscles were so tight. My back was in a spasm, my legs wouldn’t work, and anxiety had my heart in a tizzy.
Taking care of myself is no different than your need to care for yourself. It’s ok to say no to requests and obligations for a while. Taking care of ourselves is a necessary part of healing.
3. Take Care of Yourself Nutritionally
Many of us find it difficult to eat healthy foods or eat at all when grief hits. Depression, anxiety, listlessness, and mood swings can cause poor dietary choices. Hard as it is, healing occurs when good food choices are made.
Eating a rainbow of fruits and veggies is proven to alleviate emotional and mental health symptoms. Avoiding empty carbs, sugar-filled foods, energy drinks, processed foods, and alcohol are important dietary factors in balancing your emotions. However, there is something to be said for not eliminating and making significant changes during grief. For example, I love coffee and drink several cups in varying forms each day. For me to cut coffee out of my life in the midst of grief would not be healthy for me (or anyone around me-lol).
4. Take Care of Yourself Physically
Endorphins are released into your body when you move your body, thereby creating feelings of wellness. You don’t have to go to a gym to get beneficial exercise. Taking a walk, hiking, biking, swimming, or even playing a round of golf will improve your cardio health and boost your mood. Even 15 minutes a day has been proven to have benefits. Exercise won’t heal you from the grief you are feeling, but it will help you cope as the endorphins released to your brain allow you to handle your feelings in a more balanced manner.
5. Seek Support from Others
We are not born knowing how to handle grief. Indeed, there is a complexity to suffering that warrants support from family and friends. Other options include pastoral counselors, grief support groups, and online forums. Churches, doctors, and hospitals typically have a list of resources found in the local community.
It can be difficult to ask for help but remember the resources are available to help you through this difficult season in your life. GriefShare, for example, is a national program for those who have lost a loved one. In-person and virtual meetings are offered across the country. I encourage you to take the opportunity to access resources waiting for you so that you do not add loneliness and isolation to the list of emotions you are feeling. As for me, I seek out support systems that offer a great cup of coffee at meetings!
Psalm 34:18 says, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those who are crushed in spirit.” He desires to use support systems to rescue you! Blessings, and I am praying for your complete healing.
