BECAUSE HE FIRST LOVED
We love because He first loved us. 1 John 4:19
I write this today (August 2) on my anniversary. I married my college sweetheart and the only man in my life. I grew up not really knowing a father’s love – oh, I believe he loved me but it was not demonstrated in a way that I could understand (neither could my siblings), so I kept myself distant from men. Unreliable, unengaged, abandonment material. No thanks.
However, at age 17, God broke through my darkness and He became the love of my life and began to teach me what love is, could be and He demonstrated it in so many ways. He began to remove the scales from my eyes and my heart and started showing me that He would never abandon me. He would love me in a way I could understand. He would whisper love songs over me, continually. I am so thankful I said yes to Jesus that hot summer night because He changed everything, including me.
I was guarded in my relationships, but I did desire to have many friends. I was the social butterfly on the scene and loved being surrounded by believers. Whether at church or at the Christian university God directed me towards. It was as if I became who I was meant to be in those first years of my walk with God. I went from bitterness to hope. I went from dark to light. Love does make a difference – most importantly the love of the Heavenly Father.
I met my husband on the first day of my junior year in college. We were all moving in and his new roommate was my old friend from the year before. There was a circle of girls and guys that I hung out with, and now it looked like my circle was getting bigger. Because I was busy, and because I kept any thought of a relationship at bay, I said hi and walked away.
About a month later I was planning on having lunch in the cafeteria with a guy friend, super casual, but my future husband made his move. Before you know it, we were grabbing our lunches and making our way to a corner in the caf. Everyone noticed and all were whispering. He was a chemistry major, I was ministry – seemingly vastly different but our love for Jesus and missions bonded us together.
After 2 college graduations and 2.5 years of courtship we were married. However, old habits die hard. I was reluctant and God was beginning to peel back the layers of my heart to reveal new flesh. On particular rainy afternoon I was running. Running from relationships, running from love. Running from emotions. It hurt too much.
However, God is faithful and He is persistent in His pursuit for us. He loves us with an everlasting love, He demonstrated that love by sending Jesus to become sin for us and to offer forgiveness and eternal life with Him in heaven. And God demonstrated this love in a tangible way to a broken girl learning what true love is, how to trust and how to accept love without fear of abandonment.
After that moment in the rain – in which my husband and I laugh about now – we promised to pursue God’s will for our lives with the end goal being marriage, if God willed it.
He did.
Because God first loved us, we could and can love each other. Is our love for one another easy? No, not all the time. It’s easy when life is good, children behave and the mortgage is paid. It’s hard in miscarriages, misunderstandings and misbehaving children.
That’s where grace comes in. God in His Sovereignty gives us grace when we enter the throne room (Hebrews 4:16) when we need it – all the time. He offers mercy. He fills us with love so it can pour out.
The catch? I have to be the living sacrifice, the willing vessel, and die to self. There is no other way. Christ demonstrated this. And, in being challenged in Philippians 2:5 to have the same attitude as Christ, I too, can follow in the footsteps of my Master. But, I do not have to go it alone. As I seek the filling of the Holy Spirit (Ephesians 5:18), God’s love is poured into me and flows out of me. It’s God’s design and it’s beautiful.
Happy Anniversary my darling. Thank you for loving me, pursuing me, asking me and leading me as we follow God together with our family.
Abba Father, thank You for Your incredible love. It’s everlasting, it covers all, it fills me up to the uppermost. It is beautiful. Thank You for my marriage, my man and my family. Thank You for the gift of Jesus – the ultimate demonstration of Your love. In the name of Jesus, Your Son. AMEN
