The Whisper of Hope That Roars

“And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.” John 1:14 (ESV)

My jaw dropped in shock as my mother told me she was on Prozac. She was the woman who clawed her way back from the trauma of my father’s betrayal and divorce. She had an ectopic pregnancy that should have killed her, but her powerful will prevailed. My mother even survived the death of my stepfather. She was the strongest woman I knew, and now, in my mind, she was giving up.

I couldn’t understand her anxiety now, after she survived so much. My stepdad died more than a year ago. Her relationship with God should have been enough, at least in my mind.

Many years later, long after my Mom had passed, I woke up and couldn’t breathe. There was a dark fog taking over my thoughts, leaving my soul desolate, strangling any part of reason in my brain. I was lost in the despair of some unknown demon.

Six weeks later, I was sobbing as my doctor told me I would need Paxil to overcome the clinical depression and extreme anxiety that had taken over my life. I could barely catch my breath as I told her I was a woman of God; I should be able to overcome anything with Him. My doctor held my hand and said to me that this was a disease of the brain; it was at that moment I understood how broken my Mom was in her season of depression.

Sometimes we can’t understand what we haven’t experienced. If you have never given birth, you don’t understand the pain and the pleasure that comes in those birthing moments. If you’ve never experienced anxiety, you don’t know the crippling grip of dark despair that wraps around you so tight that the light has to fight to get in.

Jesus chose to leave His throne in heaven and come down to our broken world so He could empathize with the temptations and challenges we face every day. He wanted to understand our lives. His birth brought us a whisper of hope that would become a roar at His death and resurrection.

Amid my despair and depression, I called on my Savior simply because I knew He was who he said he was. I leaned into His Word; it didn’t offer me the solace I was craving, but it was the fragment of hope that kept me alive.

Psalm 119 reminds us of the hope and freedom we find in God’s word. His words are so powerful He spoke the world into existence. His words are a balm for our soul, filling us with the only promises we can believe. Only our mighty God could make His Word become flesh and experience life with us, offering our best hope, restoration with Him.